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[credere]

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[credere]

Yes.

I don't know if she disappeared or chose to go, but she didn't say anything to anyone.

[poetontheinside]

You think she would have left without coming to you? [He's-- trying to figure out how Credence feels about all this. The conversation, as they're having it, has seemed very-- blank.]

[credere]

I don't know. Maybe.

['Very blank' is exactly how he's feeling about all this.]

[poetontheinside]

Really? You really think so? [He's getting that. He kind of wants to poke the bear, because he doesn't think keeping it all inside is good, but he's seen what happens when Credence lets it all out. Probably also not very good.]

[credere]

I said I don't know.

[Some crackling static.]

[poetontheinside]

But you've thought about it.

[He clears his throat: he gets it, static.]

I'm sorry, C. I'm really fucking sorry someone left, again.

[credere]

I don't care any more. It happens. It's happened so many times already. The Barge, the Admiral, they don't care how anyone feels. I already knew that. It was my own fault for feeling like I did anyway.

[poetontheinside]

Yeah, that sounds like you don't care, alright.

Buddy, where are you? Let's-- let's hang out.

[credere]

I don't need to 'hang out' because of this. It's happened. I got drunk and I went home with someone when it happened and that was - I don't know if that's normal, but that happened too, and Shiro's not coming back so I don't know why I should waste time thinking about it.

[someone's emotions are just a wee bit all over the place.]

[poetontheinside]

[Just! A! Bit!]

Because shit happens, but you still gotta deal with it.

Wait, you went home with someone? Who?

[credere]

I've dealt with it. It's not my fault you were asleep when it was happening.

[poetontheinside]

I don't care that you had sex with someone, C! You think I'm gonna throw you in Zero for fucking someone? [This is a very weird conversation!]

[credere]

[true!!!]

What? That's not what I'm talking about. I thought you meant dealing with Shiro leaving.

[the sex stuff gets no more discussion at all!!!]

[poetontheinside]

Which you did by getting laid, but you're not gonna tell me you're fine just 'cause you got off.

[credere]

No. I'm fine, and that happened. Those are different things.

[poetontheinside]

I ain't buying that you're fine, but sure. Sure, okay, you're fine that she left. I still think it sucks.

[credere]

Yes.

It's just nothing that hasn't sucked before. [To use your vernacular.]

[poetontheinside]

You know what, usually I'd say that's a bad thing. But I get it. Bein' left behind.

[credere]

It's happened to you too.

[Not a question.]

[poetontheinside]

Not here. Not-- I'm not trying to--

I been left. Kicked out. You know that. [He takes a breath and scrubs a hand over his face.] My point is, the worst moments were when I thought it was business as usual. Looking back, those were the worst times.

[credere]

I don't understand. How can that be worse?

[poetontheinside]

Because I stopped wanting to be around other people at all. They were probably just gonna kick me in the nuts and leave again, so I might as well not fucking try.

It's fucking lonely. I felt like I was dead, some days.

Maybe you're not doing that. [Getting laid and all.] But I did, and I don't wanna see that happening to you.

[credere]

It's happened before. I-

I wouldn't know how to make it stop.

[poetontheinside]

Okay. [Another breath, and he's tempted to just invite him over, but something about talking on the communicator makes this just a little easier.]

Maybe you can't make it stop. But I can, if you'll let me. And uh-- Quentin. Some of the other people you met here.

What pulled me out was other people. It sounds stupid, but when Stella kicked me to the curb all I wanted was her, and I couldn't have her no more. So I--

[Drank too much, hated himself, kind of wanted to disappear. Not die, but just not be there for a while. But that's just a little too much to say right now.]

Someone bulldozered his way in. Steamrolled. Whatever. That's what stopped it.

[credere]

Your Canadian friend?