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[credere]

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[credere]

It's happened to you too.

[Not a question.]

[poetontheinside]

Not here. Not-- I'm not trying to--

I been left. Kicked out. You know that. [He takes a breath and scrubs a hand over his face.] My point is, the worst moments were when I thought it was business as usual. Looking back, those were the worst times.

[credere]

I don't understand. How can that be worse?

[poetontheinside]

Because I stopped wanting to be around other people at all. They were probably just gonna kick me in the nuts and leave again, so I might as well not fucking try.

It's fucking lonely. I felt like I was dead, some days.

Maybe you're not doing that. [Getting laid and all.] But I did, and I don't wanna see that happening to you.

[credere]

It's happened before. I-

I wouldn't know how to make it stop.

[poetontheinside]

Okay. [Another breath, and he's tempted to just invite him over, but something about talking on the communicator makes this just a little easier.]

Maybe you can't make it stop. But I can, if you'll let me. And uh-- Quentin. Some of the other people you met here.

What pulled me out was other people. It sounds stupid, but when Stella kicked me to the curb all I wanted was her, and I couldn't have her no more. So I--

[Drank too much, hated himself, kind of wanted to disappear. Not die, but just not be there for a while. But that's just a little too much to say right now.]

Someone bulldozered his way in. Steamrolled. Whatever. That's what stopped it.

[credere]

Your Canadian friend?

[poetontheinside]

Yeah. Not that I told him to do it. I don't think he knew how bad I was feeling back then, so maybe he didn't know.

[credere]

Well, like I said, I'm fine. I'm dealing with it, I'm not locked up by myself in my cabin. I'm fine.

[poetontheinside]

Right. You said. You're fine.

[Ha ha! Life is great.]

...Dinner tonight?

[credere]

After my shift. I'll save us something.

[poetontheinside]

Yeah. You happy doin' the dinner shift again?

[credere]

...Yes.

It's better now I've worked things out with Fives.

[poetontheinside]

Yeah, I never asked you about that-- what was the beef between the two of you?

[credere]

I used to be afraid of him and he thought I hated him.

[poetontheinside]

But now you know you could kick his ass and he knows you, uh, don't hate him?

[credere]

He knows.

...It was different when I was first here. I didn't have much of my magic, and most wardens intimidated me. [By way of explanation:] After I talked back to my second warden during a flood, I went to see her with my belt in my hand. I thought that was how it was going to be.

[poetontheinside]

[He can't help but visibly make a face at that-- he's glad that Credence hadn't been like that when he first became Ray's inmate. He knows why, of course. Credence's fucking mother.]

I guess I can see how a big guy like him could scare you.

[credere]

It wasn't about size. Rey was tiny, but I still...

They were wardens. I wasn't. They had all the power and I didn't have any, and I wasn't used to that.

[poetontheinside]

You were kinda used to not having any power, though. All that time-- I mean. Before you used what you had inside of you.

What did she do?

[credere]

She hugged me.

[It was. A character-building moment.]

[poetontheinside]

[Oh. Ray has never met the woman, but he feels a sharp stab of pride and gratitude at that. That she just knew so well what to do in that moment.]

She sounds like a good warden. A good person.

[credere]

She-

She was.

[His voice is small and tight.]

I miss her.

[poetontheinside]

[Now he does wish he was there with him. To put an arm around his shoulder, at the very least. Instead, all he can do is slide down the kitchen cabinets so he can sit as he looks into the camera.]

Yeah. A person like that, it sounds like she'd be hard to let go of.

[credere]

[He drags in a breath.]

I had to. Nobody's ever come back.