ic inbox

[credere]

 [ voice | video | text | spam ]

Comments

[poetontheinside]

But you've thought about it.

[He clears his throat: he gets it, static.]

I'm sorry, C. I'm really fucking sorry someone left, again.

[credere]

I don't care any more. It happens. It's happened so many times already. The Barge, the Admiral, they don't care how anyone feels. I already knew that. It was my own fault for feeling like I did anyway.

[poetontheinside]

Yeah, that sounds like you don't care, alright.

Buddy, where are you? Let's-- let's hang out.

[credere]

I don't need to 'hang out' because of this. It's happened. I got drunk and I went home with someone when it happened and that was - I don't know if that's normal, but that happened too, and Shiro's not coming back so I don't know why I should waste time thinking about it.

[someone's emotions are just a wee bit all over the place.]

[poetontheinside]

[Just! A! Bit!]

Because shit happens, but you still gotta deal with it.

Wait, you went home with someone? Who?

[credere]

I've dealt with it. It's not my fault you were asleep when it was happening.

[poetontheinside]

I don't care that you had sex with someone, C! You think I'm gonna throw you in Zero for fucking someone? [This is a very weird conversation!]

[credere]

[true!!!]

What? That's not what I'm talking about. I thought you meant dealing with Shiro leaving.

[the sex stuff gets no more discussion at all!!!]

[poetontheinside]

Which you did by getting laid, but you're not gonna tell me you're fine just 'cause you got off.

[credere]

No. I'm fine, and that happened. Those are different things.

[poetontheinside]

I ain't buying that you're fine, but sure. Sure, okay, you're fine that she left. I still think it sucks.

[credere]

Yes.

It's just nothing that hasn't sucked before. [To use your vernacular.]

[poetontheinside]

You know what, usually I'd say that's a bad thing. But I get it. Bein' left behind.

[credere]

It's happened to you too.

[Not a question.]

[poetontheinside]

Not here. Not-- I'm not trying to--

I been left. Kicked out. You know that. [He takes a breath and scrubs a hand over his face.] My point is, the worst moments were when I thought it was business as usual. Looking back, those were the worst times.

[credere]

I don't understand. How can that be worse?

[poetontheinside]

Because I stopped wanting to be around other people at all. They were probably just gonna kick me in the nuts and leave again, so I might as well not fucking try.

It's fucking lonely. I felt like I was dead, some days.

Maybe you're not doing that. [Getting laid and all.] But I did, and I don't wanna see that happening to you.

[credere]

It's happened before. I-

I wouldn't know how to make it stop.

[poetontheinside]

Okay. [Another breath, and he's tempted to just invite him over, but something about talking on the communicator makes this just a little easier.]

Maybe you can't make it stop. But I can, if you'll let me. And uh-- Quentin. Some of the other people you met here.

What pulled me out was other people. It sounds stupid, but when Stella kicked me to the curb all I wanted was her, and I couldn't have her no more. So I--

[Drank too much, hated himself, kind of wanted to disappear. Not die, but just not be there for a while. But that's just a little too much to say right now.]

Someone bulldozered his way in. Steamrolled. Whatever. That's what stopped it.

[credere]

Your Canadian friend?

[poetontheinside]

Yeah. Not that I told him to do it. I don't think he knew how bad I was feeling back then, so maybe he didn't know.

[credere]

Well, like I said, I'm fine. I'm dealing with it, I'm not locked up by myself in my cabin. I'm fine.

[poetontheinside]

Right. You said. You're fine.

[Ha ha! Life is great.]

...Dinner tonight?

[credere]

After my shift. I'll save us something.

[poetontheinside]

Yeah. You happy doin' the dinner shift again?