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[credere]

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[poetontheinside]

I ain't buying that you're fine, but sure. Sure, okay, you're fine that she left. I still think it sucks.

[credere]

Yes.

It's just nothing that hasn't sucked before. [To use your vernacular.]

[poetontheinside]

You know what, usually I'd say that's a bad thing. But I get it. Bein' left behind.

[credere]

It's happened to you too.

[Not a question.]

[poetontheinside]

Not here. Not-- I'm not trying to--

I been left. Kicked out. You know that. [He takes a breath and scrubs a hand over his face.] My point is, the worst moments were when I thought it was business as usual. Looking back, those were the worst times.

[credere]

I don't understand. How can that be worse?

[poetontheinside]

Because I stopped wanting to be around other people at all. They were probably just gonna kick me in the nuts and leave again, so I might as well not fucking try.

It's fucking lonely. I felt like I was dead, some days.

Maybe you're not doing that. [Getting laid and all.] But I did, and I don't wanna see that happening to you.

[credere]

It's happened before. I-

I wouldn't know how to make it stop.

[poetontheinside]

Okay. [Another breath, and he's tempted to just invite him over, but something about talking on the communicator makes this just a little easier.]

Maybe you can't make it stop. But I can, if you'll let me. And uh-- Quentin. Some of the other people you met here.

What pulled me out was other people. It sounds stupid, but when Stella kicked me to the curb all I wanted was her, and I couldn't have her no more. So I--

[Drank too much, hated himself, kind of wanted to disappear. Not die, but just not be there for a while. But that's just a little too much to say right now.]

Someone bulldozered his way in. Steamrolled. Whatever. That's what stopped it.

[credere]

Your Canadian friend?

[poetontheinside]

Yeah. Not that I told him to do it. I don't think he knew how bad I was feeling back then, so maybe he didn't know.

[credere]

Well, like I said, I'm fine. I'm dealing with it, I'm not locked up by myself in my cabin. I'm fine.

[poetontheinside]

Right. You said. You're fine.

[Ha ha! Life is great.]

...Dinner tonight?

[credere]

After my shift. I'll save us something.

[poetontheinside]

Yeah. You happy doin' the dinner shift again?

[credere]

...Yes.

It's better now I've worked things out with Fives.

[poetontheinside]

Yeah, I never asked you about that-- what was the beef between the two of you?

[credere]

I used to be afraid of him and he thought I hated him.

[poetontheinside]

But now you know you could kick his ass and he knows you, uh, don't hate him?

[credere]

He knows.

...It was different when I was first here. I didn't have much of my magic, and most wardens intimidated me. [By way of explanation:] After I talked back to my second warden during a flood, I went to see her with my belt in my hand. I thought that was how it was going to be.

[poetontheinside]

[He can't help but visibly make a face at that-- he's glad that Credence hadn't been like that when he first became Ray's inmate. He knows why, of course. Credence's fucking mother.]

I guess I can see how a big guy like him could scare you.

[credere]

It wasn't about size. Rey was tiny, but I still...

They were wardens. I wasn't. They had all the power and I didn't have any, and I wasn't used to that.

[poetontheinside]

You were kinda used to not having any power, though. All that time-- I mean. Before you used what you had inside of you.

What did she do?

[credere]

She hugged me.

[It was. A character-building moment.]

[poetontheinside]

[Oh. Ray has never met the woman, but he feels a sharp stab of pride and gratitude at that. That she just knew so well what to do in that moment.]

She sounds like a good warden. A good person.