It's not as if this has passed him by altogether, but he doesn't trust
himself. Hearing Elizabeth say it - and why would she lie? - that makes
it real.
"Are we...the people that we are in a breach...do you think we're like
them?"
His own powers, as easily abused as they are, can they too be used for
something better?
She sighs softly and settles a little more closely against him, unwilling to accept that she needs the comfort of comforting but reaching for it nonetheless.
"All the breaches I've been through- there are always parts that are familiar, parts that aren't. I don't know if I'm the same person in them, just with a different background- or if the Admiral is manipulating us."
Ma had often told him that God sent tests to the faithful - implying at
once that he was among the tests rather than the faithful - but he doesn't
like giving the Admiral such a promotion, even in his head.
He smiles back, looking for all the world like he's halfway worried that
the Admiral will strike him down at any moment, just for doubting his
power. He controls everything here; it doesn't feel like there's very
much 'just' about him.
"You're the first person to ever say that," he says, and he blinks and
briefly sees this scene through an old lens - a married woman, sitting
unchaperoned with him, in his bedroom.
His mother would be horrified.
But then again, he's never had the least of an inappropriate thought about
Elizabeth, except to briefly encounter the thought that she's so much more
maternal than Ma ever was.
That seems like a simple task - if only his own identity wasn't something
bewildering and unreachable. He was a witch's orphan, then his mother's
adjunct, and Mr Graves' spy, and now what is he? He's Mr Pinkman's inmate,
Mr Scamander's creature, Mr Coldwater's....project, and maybe his friend,
if he's feeling charitable toward himself. He defines himself by other
people. If he were alone, and he looked inside himself, all he'd find is
the Obscurus seething in an empty shell.
"I don't know how," is his extremely succinct summation of those fears.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 02:18 pm (UTC)It's not as if this has passed him by altogether, but he doesn't trust himself. Hearing Elizabeth say it - and why would she lie? - that makes it real.
"Are we...the people that we are in a breach...do you think we're like them?"
His own powers, as easily abused as they are, can they too be used for something better?
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 02:57 pm (UTC)"All the breaches I've been through- there are always parts that are familiar, parts that aren't. I don't know if I'm the same person in them, just with a different background- or if the Admiral is manipulating us."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:07 pm (UTC)Credence's brow furrows.
"Why would he do that?"
Ma had often told him that God sent tests to the faithful - implying at once that he was among the tests rather than the faithful - but he doesn't like giving the Admiral such a promotion, even in his head.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:08 pm (UTC)"It's just the Admiral, Credence. Who knows."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:18 pm (UTC)He smiles back, looking for all the world like he's halfway worried that the Admiral will strike him down at any moment, just for doubting his power. He controls everything here; it doesn't feel like there's very much 'just' about him.
"Did you? Um. Learn anything."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:20 pm (UTC)There's more there. Of course there is- but as much as she can talk to him about his life, it's hard to talk about her own.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:24 pm (UTC)That gets another smile, twitching, nervous.
"Maybe you'll be able to. So many strange things happen here."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:25 pm (UTC)She bumps her shoulder against his, then reaches down to take his hand.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:29 pm (UTC)He wraps his fingers around hers and sighs out a soft breath. He's relaxing, very slowly.
"Did you know her here as well? Before..."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:57 pm (UTC)"Oh," Credence says, then blinks. "Did I seem...not nice? Or not harmless?"
It's not really a joke.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 05:17 pm (UTC)"Oh." That makes sense. "I - yes. I think I did," he admits softly.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 08:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 08:40 am (UTC)"Oh," again, useless. "I - you were. You are. It's...it's easier, being here, with you here," he confesses.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:15 am (UTC)"You're very easy to talk to."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:21 am (UTC)"You're the first person to ever say that," he says, and he blinks and briefly sees this scene through an old lens - a married woman, sitting unchaperoned with him, in his bedroom.
His mother would be horrified.
But then again, he's never had the least of an inappropriate thought about Elizabeth, except to briefly encounter the thought that she's so much more maternal than Ma ever was.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:23 am (UTC)"We promised each other, right? Honesty?"
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:32 am (UTC)"Yes, Elizabeth." It seems like a very easy thing to do, to simply not lie. "We promised. Do - do you think I've...?"
Has he spoken out of turn, does she think badly of him?
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:41 am (UTC)That seems like a simple task - if only his own identity wasn't something bewildering and unreachable. He was a witch's orphan, then his mother's adjunct, and Mr Graves' spy, and now what is he? He's Mr Pinkman's inmate, Mr Scamander's creature, Mr Coldwater's....project, and maybe his friend, if he's feeling charitable toward himself. He defines himself by other people. If he were alone, and he looked inside himself, all he'd find is the Obscurus seething in an empty shell.
"I don't know how," is his extremely succinct summation of those fears.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:52 am (UTC)"I know. That's okay. You don't need to get there so soon, okay? Take your time."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:56 am (UTC)He nods, feeling childish.
"Did you -- always know? You seem so sure, all the time," he adds, meaning it as a compliment and hoping it'll be taken as intended.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 11:57 am (UTC)"I fit everything in around that."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 12:42 pm (UTC)He frowns, staring at his hands.
"I did. I thought I did. Ma tried, but..."
It's hard to think of yourself as having a purpose, when that purpose is to purge from the world the very thing that exists deep in the heart of you.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: