"But we don't have to feel that way anymore," she tells him, eyes searching his face for some sign he believes it. "Just because we know what hunger feels like that doesn't mean we have to stay hungry because it's all we've known, Credence."
He evades eye contact, predictably, without even thinking about it.
"I don't intend to starve myself, Miss Rey."
He only goes hungry when he deserves to, so he'll try not to deserve to.
He doesn't classify his ongoing background levels of deprivation as
hunger, in the same way that people aren't constantly aware of the
force keeping them attached to the ground as gravity. It's just...always
there.
She looks at him, the way he won't look at her, and an odd plan starts to bloom in her head, one she doesn't really understand. She doesn't even know why this is important to her in the first place, but she's never really met someone like her in this way. Something makes her need to try to change this, and so she will.
"Will you come with me somewhere, Credence? I want to show you something."
With a nod she stands, and she leads the way out of his room and down the hallway. Her destination is her own room, but the door she stops in front of is metal, it has a numeric key pad in the middle, and is something that's just as futuristic as the communicator he doesn't use, the lightsaber he didn't even register, and she pauses when she remembers what a shock the Falcon was to Tommy, to Alfie.
"This is going to be odd at first," she warns him, softly, and then the door slips open and she steps inside, waits for him there to give him the time to work up to literally stepping into the future.
He startles a little, staring at the door as it slides seamlessly to one
side, peering into the strange metallic interior, not quite able to cross
the threshold.
"It's easier if I have a co-pilot, but I can fly it alone if I have to."
She doesn't now, thanks to Chewie, but that also brings up the question of whether or not the Falcon is still hers if Han Solo is alive again to claim it, and right now, with Alfie so recently gone, it's a question that's too painful to think of for long.
"I can show you in the Enclosure some day. You can stand in for my co-pilot, it isn't hard."
He looks as if she's asked him to split a mountain with his bare hands, or
draw down the moon or something else equally unfeasible.
"Oh - no, miss. I - I couldn't do that."
It's so absurd a thought that he doesn't stop to wonder how anywhere on the
ship could be large enough to fly about in another ship. He still
doesn't really understand what the Enclosure is.
"If I can, you can," she points out, but she won't push for that. Not now at least, not when they're here for a different reason that doesn't have anything to do with Credence's sense of self worth.
Well, it does, but in a different sort of way.
"Do you think you can come in now? I want to show you the kitchen."
He follows her over the threshold and takes his hat off automatically, clutching it over his chest as he reaches up with his other hand to straighten his hair.
She smiles at him then, and it's soft enough to almost be sweet. He's a good person, so hurt by the world he was born into, and things like just taking his hat off, apologizing for things he doesn't need to, it makes her feel uncommonly fond of him.
Leading him through the Falcon is something she takes slowly, taking a small packet from a cargo bin as she takes him into the galley and finds a small bowl puts a pan on a burner and starts to heat it up.
"This is one quarter of a ration," she tells him, holding the packet up so she can see it. "Which means it's not even half of one meal. If I was lucky, I could afford to trade for one of these a day. Some days, I wasn't very lucky at all."
She lets him watch as she pulls the packet open, pours a strange powder into a bowl and toss two green slabs of gelatinous something into the pan. When it starts to cook it smells vaguely meat-like, and when she puts a bit of water in a bowl, stirs it with her finger, it puffs up into something that could be called bread if you were very, very generous.
It's just as well she takes it slow, because Credence is always openly fascinated by new places even if he makes an active effort to avoid looking at people. He tries to take it all in, the strange switches and wires and shapes, but he doesn't have anything close to a frame of reference to fit it all into.
As he watches her prepare the -- food? -- he frowns, his brow furrowed.
"From the time I was five years old," she tells him, with no embarrassment, not self pity. She's proud of the fact that she was able to keep herself alive for so long, existing on so little. "This was all I ate from the age of five until about a year ago."
And the synthetic meat doesn't take long to get hot, so she takes it from the pan with a fork, puts it and the bread onto a plate, and gives it to Credence. Two thin, warm slices of something green, bread that has a slight squish to it when you pull it apart. It's the stuff of dreams, truly.
"Try it," she prompts him. "And then tell me if you think I should eat only that, despite having so much more to choose from, because it's all I knew my entire life."
"You can have a different life here, Credence." She tells him, because she doesn't think he's actually thought of that. "Until I got here, I didn't realize mine was- honestly, terrible. I was alone, in the desert, and I was always hungry. I expected people to steal from me at every turn and when people tried to touch me, I flinched away because I knew the only thing that would come from it was pain or an attempt to hold me down, hold me back.
It took being here for a long time to see that there are other things to being alive than just making it through each day, and it'll take you a long time to feel comfortable reaching for things you aren't used to having, but you need to try, Credence. It's okay to want more from your life."
"I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't see the similarities," she promises him. "I don't think it's quite as obvious to other people."
It's still obvious, it's impossible to miss how stunted he is, but there's a depth to it she doesn't think most people will be able to see unless they've lived the same kind of hopeless, empty life.
She doesn't know him well, of course, but even if she did, even if she could see he was getting frustrated or flustered, it wouldn't stop her, not in this.
That's so absurdly terrible that Rey doesn't even know how to respond to it. She just stares at him for a moment, lips slightly parted in surprise, before she shakes her head.
"You can learn to be. There's worth to your life, Credence."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:12 am (UTC)He evades eye contact, predictably, without even thinking about it.
"I don't intend to starve myself, Miss Rey."
He only goes hungry when he deserves to, so he'll try not to deserve to. He doesn't classify his ongoing background levels of deprivation as hunger, in the same way that people aren't constantly aware of the force keeping them attached to the ground as gravity. It's just...always there.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:15 am (UTC)"Will you come with me somewhere, Credence? I want to show you something."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:18 am (UTC)It's easiest for him to just ignore the fact that he's being given a choice. He nods.
"Yes, miss."
He doesn't ask where, or why, not out a lack of curiosity but just because he's not used to asking for explanations and getting them.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:22 am (UTC)"This is going to be odd at first," she warns him, softly, and then the door slips open and she steps inside, waits for him there to give him the time to work up to literally stepping into the future.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:32 am (UTC)He startles a little, staring at the door as it slides seamlessly to one side, peering into the strange metallic interior, not quite able to cross the threshold.
"Is - is this where you live?"
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:34 am (UTC)She'll just give all that a second to sink in.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:46 am (UTC)He very cautiously reaches out to brush his fingers over one cold wall.
"You have a whole ship? And you - fly it yourself?"
This, while he's coming from a time when women are barely trusted to drive automobiles.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:49 am (UTC)She doesn't now, thanks to Chewie, but that also brings up the question of whether or not the Falcon is still hers if Han Solo is alive again to claim it, and right now, with Alfie so recently gone, it's a question that's too painful to think of for long.
"I can show you in the Enclosure some day. You can stand in for my co-pilot, it isn't hard."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:52 am (UTC)He looks as if she's asked him to split a mountain with his bare hands, or draw down the moon or something else equally unfeasible.
"Oh - no, miss. I - I couldn't do that."
It's so absurd a thought that he doesn't stop to wonder how anywhere on the ship could be large enough to fly about in another ship. He still doesn't really understand what the Enclosure is.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 07:22 pm (UTC)Well, it does, but in a different sort of way.
"Do you think you can come in now? I want to show you the kitchen."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 07:40 pm (UTC)He follows her over the threshold and takes his hat off automatically, clutching it over his chest as he reaches up with his other hand to straighten his hair.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 07:48 pm (UTC)Leading him through the Falcon is something she takes slowly, taking a small packet from a cargo bin as she takes him into the galley and finds a small bowl puts a pan on a burner and starts to heat it up.
"This is one quarter of a ration," she tells him, holding the packet up so she can see it. "Which means it's not even half of one meal. If I was lucky, I could afford to trade for one of these a day. Some days, I wasn't very lucky at all."
She lets him watch as she pulls the packet open, pours a strange powder into a bowl and toss two green slabs of gelatinous something into the pan. When it starts to cook it smells vaguely meat-like, and when she puts a bit of water in a bowl, stirs it with her finger, it puffs up into something that could be called bread if you were very, very generous.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 07:55 pm (UTC)As he watches her prepare the -- food? -- he frowns, his brow furrowed.
"How long did you trade for?" he asks quietly.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:00 pm (UTC)And the synthetic meat doesn't take long to get hot, so she takes it from the pan with a fork, puts it and the bread onto a plate, and gives it to Credence. Two thin, warm slices of something green, bread that has a slight squish to it when you pull it apart. It's the stuff of dreams, truly.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:06 pm (UTC)He's not refusing it, as such; in fact, he reaches out cautiously to accept the plate. He just doesn't know why she's offering him this.
(Also, he has a healthy distrust of green things that aren't vegetables.)
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:28 pm (UTC)It tastes, well, like food.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:36 pm (UTC)It took being here for a long time to see that there are other things to being alive than just making it through each day, and it'll take you a long time to feel comfortable reaching for things you aren't used to having, but you need to try, Credence. It's okay to want more from your life."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:46 pm (UTC)"I -- I didn't mean to make you think my life was bad," he murmurs.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:51 pm (UTC)It's still obvious, it's impossible to miss how stunted he is, but there's a depth to it she doesn't think most people will be able to see unless they've lived the same kind of hopeless, empty life.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:02 pm (UTC)Notwithstanding his total, blind eagerness to collude with Percival Graves to escape it.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:23 pm (UTC)"But was it good? Were you happy?"
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:33 pm (UTC)"You can learn to be. There's worth to your life, Credence."
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