He looks as if she's asked him to split a mountain with his bare hands, or
draw down the moon or something else equally unfeasible.
"Oh - no, miss. I - I couldn't do that."
It's so absurd a thought that he doesn't stop to wonder how anywhere on the
ship could be large enough to fly about in another ship. He still
doesn't really understand what the Enclosure is.
"If I can, you can," she points out, but she won't push for that. Not now at least, not when they're here for a different reason that doesn't have anything to do with Credence's sense of self worth.
Well, it does, but in a different sort of way.
"Do you think you can come in now? I want to show you the kitchen."
He follows her over the threshold and takes his hat off automatically, clutching it over his chest as he reaches up with his other hand to straighten his hair.
She smiles at him then, and it's soft enough to almost be sweet. He's a good person, so hurt by the world he was born into, and things like just taking his hat off, apologizing for things he doesn't need to, it makes her feel uncommonly fond of him.
Leading him through the Falcon is something she takes slowly, taking a small packet from a cargo bin as she takes him into the galley and finds a small bowl puts a pan on a burner and starts to heat it up.
"This is one quarter of a ration," she tells him, holding the packet up so she can see it. "Which means it's not even half of one meal. If I was lucky, I could afford to trade for one of these a day. Some days, I wasn't very lucky at all."
She lets him watch as she pulls the packet open, pours a strange powder into a bowl and toss two green slabs of gelatinous something into the pan. When it starts to cook it smells vaguely meat-like, and when she puts a bit of water in a bowl, stirs it with her finger, it puffs up into something that could be called bread if you were very, very generous.
It's just as well she takes it slow, because Credence is always openly fascinated by new places even if he makes an active effort to avoid looking at people. He tries to take it all in, the strange switches and wires and shapes, but he doesn't have anything close to a frame of reference to fit it all into.
As he watches her prepare the -- food? -- he frowns, his brow furrowed.
"From the time I was five years old," she tells him, with no embarrassment, not self pity. She's proud of the fact that she was able to keep herself alive for so long, existing on so little. "This was all I ate from the age of five until about a year ago."
And the synthetic meat doesn't take long to get hot, so she takes it from the pan with a fork, puts it and the bread onto a plate, and gives it to Credence. Two thin, warm slices of something green, bread that has a slight squish to it when you pull it apart. It's the stuff of dreams, truly.
"Try it," she prompts him. "And then tell me if you think I should eat only that, despite having so much more to choose from, because it's all I knew my entire life."
"You can have a different life here, Credence." She tells him, because she doesn't think he's actually thought of that. "Until I got here, I didn't realize mine was- honestly, terrible. I was alone, in the desert, and I was always hungry. I expected people to steal from me at every turn and when people tried to touch me, I flinched away because I knew the only thing that would come from it was pain or an attempt to hold me down, hold me back.
It took being here for a long time to see that there are other things to being alive than just making it through each day, and it'll take you a long time to feel comfortable reaching for things you aren't used to having, but you need to try, Credence. It's okay to want more from your life."
"I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't see the similarities," she promises him. "I don't think it's quite as obvious to other people."
It's still obvious, it's impossible to miss how stunted he is, but there's a depth to it she doesn't think most people will be able to see unless they've lived the same kind of hopeless, empty life.
She doesn't know him well, of course, but even if she did, even if she could see he was getting frustrated or flustered, it wouldn't stop her, not in this.
That's so absurdly terrible that Rey doesn't even know how to respond to it. She just stares at him for a moment, lips slightly parted in surprise, before she shakes her head.
"You can learn to be. There's worth to your life, Credence."
"It's okay if you don't believe it now," she says just as softly, and she takes a step closer to him, reaches up to put her hand so, so lightly on his shoulder. "But try to remember that it's true and one day you might believe it for yourself."
He is, despite himself, still terribly susceptible to human contact that doesn't hurt. That touch makes him visibly relax, and he shuts his eyes for a moment to absorb it better.
She'd expected him to flinch away like she always did, but his reaction is so opposite that she almost doesn't know what to do with it. After a moment she starts rubbing her hand up and down his shoulder, a soothing sort of gesture, because he clearly needs the comfort.
He nods, barely able to respond, so focused on that touch. He and Modesty were the only two sources of gentleness in each other's lives, and even then, Ma didn't like them spending too much time together. She didn't want him being a bad influence on her.
"You can visit any time you'd like to, Credence," she tells him quietly, suddenly afraid of speaking too loudly, breaking him out of whatever happy place he's found himself in.
Mr Graves told him that he was special. That he'd be accepted. That he'd be taught. That he'd be honored.
But nobody has ever told him that they wanted to be his friend, and now he freezes up, because for all the new things he's encountered on the Barge this is easily the most disorienting.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:52 am (UTC)He looks as if she's asked him to split a mountain with his bare hands, or draw down the moon or something else equally unfeasible.
"Oh - no, miss. I - I couldn't do that."
It's so absurd a thought that he doesn't stop to wonder how anywhere on the ship could be large enough to fly about in another ship. He still doesn't really understand what the Enclosure is.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 07:22 pm (UTC)Well, it does, but in a different sort of way.
"Do you think you can come in now? I want to show you the kitchen."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 07:40 pm (UTC)He follows her over the threshold and takes his hat off automatically, clutching it over his chest as he reaches up with his other hand to straighten his hair.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 07:48 pm (UTC)Leading him through the Falcon is something she takes slowly, taking a small packet from a cargo bin as she takes him into the galley and finds a small bowl puts a pan on a burner and starts to heat it up.
"This is one quarter of a ration," she tells him, holding the packet up so she can see it. "Which means it's not even half of one meal. If I was lucky, I could afford to trade for one of these a day. Some days, I wasn't very lucky at all."
She lets him watch as she pulls the packet open, pours a strange powder into a bowl and toss two green slabs of gelatinous something into the pan. When it starts to cook it smells vaguely meat-like, and when she puts a bit of water in a bowl, stirs it with her finger, it puffs up into something that could be called bread if you were very, very generous.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 07:55 pm (UTC)As he watches her prepare the -- food? -- he frowns, his brow furrowed.
"How long did you trade for?" he asks quietly.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:00 pm (UTC)And the synthetic meat doesn't take long to get hot, so she takes it from the pan with a fork, puts it and the bread onto a plate, and gives it to Credence. Two thin, warm slices of something green, bread that has a slight squish to it when you pull it apart. It's the stuff of dreams, truly.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:06 pm (UTC)He's not refusing it, as such; in fact, he reaches out cautiously to accept the plate. He just doesn't know why she's offering him this.
(Also, he has a healthy distrust of green things that aren't vegetables.)
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:28 pm (UTC)It tastes, well, like food.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:36 pm (UTC)It took being here for a long time to see that there are other things to being alive than just making it through each day, and it'll take you a long time to feel comfortable reaching for things you aren't used to having, but you need to try, Credence. It's okay to want more from your life."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:46 pm (UTC)"I -- I didn't mean to make you think my life was bad," he murmurs.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:51 pm (UTC)It's still obvious, it's impossible to miss how stunted he is, but there's a depth to it she doesn't think most people will be able to see unless they've lived the same kind of hopeless, empty life.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:02 pm (UTC)Notwithstanding his total, blind eagerness to collude with Percival Graves to escape it.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:23 pm (UTC)"But was it good? Were you happy?"
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:33 pm (UTC)"You can learn to be. There's worth to your life, Credence."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:40 pm (UTC)"People have said that," he says softly.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:56 pm (UTC)"I'll try."
Even though it's never been enough, before.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 10:02 pm (UTC)"That's all anyone can ask of you."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 10:21 pm (UTC)"...Thank you for showing me you. Your ship."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 10:46 pm (UTC)There is a very small, but measurable, possibility that he will take her up on this someday.
"You're - welcome to visit my room, if you ever want to."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 11:15 pm (UTC)But nobody has ever told him that they wanted to be his friend, and now he freezes up, because for all the new things he's encountered on the Barge this is easily the most disorienting.
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