"You can have a different life here, Credence." She tells him, because she doesn't think he's actually thought of that. "Until I got here, I didn't realize mine was- honestly, terrible. I was alone, in the desert, and I was always hungry. I expected people to steal from me at every turn and when people tried to touch me, I flinched away because I knew the only thing that would come from it was pain or an attempt to hold me down, hold me back.
It took being here for a long time to see that there are other things to being alive than just making it through each day, and it'll take you a long time to feel comfortable reaching for things you aren't used to having, but you need to try, Credence. It's okay to want more from your life."
"I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't see the similarities," she promises him. "I don't think it's quite as obvious to other people."
It's still obvious, it's impossible to miss how stunted he is, but there's a depth to it she doesn't think most people will be able to see unless they've lived the same kind of hopeless, empty life.
She doesn't know him well, of course, but even if she did, even if she could see he was getting frustrated or flustered, it wouldn't stop her, not in this.
That's so absurdly terrible that Rey doesn't even know how to respond to it. She just stares at him for a moment, lips slightly parted in surprise, before she shakes her head.
"You can learn to be. There's worth to your life, Credence."
"It's okay if you don't believe it now," she says just as softly, and she takes a step closer to him, reaches up to put her hand so, so lightly on his shoulder. "But try to remember that it's true and one day you might believe it for yourself."
He is, despite himself, still terribly susceptible to human contact that doesn't hurt. That touch makes him visibly relax, and he shuts his eyes for a moment to absorb it better.
She'd expected him to flinch away like she always did, but his reaction is so opposite that she almost doesn't know what to do with it. After a moment she starts rubbing her hand up and down his shoulder, a soothing sort of gesture, because he clearly needs the comfort.
He nods, barely able to respond, so focused on that touch. He and Modesty were the only two sources of gentleness in each other's lives, and even then, Ma didn't like them spending too much time together. She didn't want him being a bad influence on her.
"You can visit any time you'd like to, Credence," she tells him quietly, suddenly afraid of speaking too loudly, breaking him out of whatever happy place he's found himself in.
Mr Graves told him that he was special. That he'd be accepted. That he'd be taught. That he'd be honored.
But nobody has ever told him that they wanted to be his friend, and now he freezes up, because for all the new things he's encountered on the Barge this is easily the most disorienting.
"I think you're doing well already," she says kindly, and she honestly means that. "You let me give you a gift and you gave me something in return."
And then she smiles again, unable to quite help it.
"And it was food, I'll be your friend in no time if you give me food."
That's only true of people she actually trusts and likes, of course, of people she doesn't automatically distrust, but Credence? No, she can easily trust him not to poison her.
Not for the first time she wishes Alfie hadn't gone already, because she could see that being a good arrangement. A big, angry man like him working on his bread and keeping an eye on Credence to be sure no one else took any swings at him would be a good set up.
But then again, Elizabeth is a woman Rey has a lot of respect for. She'll be able to keep an eye on Credence even if she doesn't have the same sort of presence Alfie does.
Did.
"If that doesn't work I teach you how the things in this kitchen operate, if you ever wanted to make something here."
"I wouldn't want to take food meant for someone else," is his predictable
response, but he adds very cautiously: "but if I was. Making something for
someone else. That would be - very helpful. Thank you."
"You could make something for Elizabeth to thank her for the brownies," she suggests, but she's sure he would have come to that idea on his own once he'd had the time to think about it.
It honestly wouldn't have done - at the very least, it would have taken an embarrassingly long time. Gift-giving is an utterly alien concept to him. But since she's suggested it, he's very pleased with the idea.
"Oh - oh, yes. I could. That's a very good idea, miss, thank you."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:36 pm (UTC)It took being here for a long time to see that there are other things to being alive than just making it through each day, and it'll take you a long time to feel comfortable reaching for things you aren't used to having, but you need to try, Credence. It's okay to want more from your life."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:46 pm (UTC)"I -- I didn't mean to make you think my life was bad," he murmurs.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 08:51 pm (UTC)It's still obvious, it's impossible to miss how stunted he is, but there's a depth to it she doesn't think most people will be able to see unless they've lived the same kind of hopeless, empty life.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:02 pm (UTC)Notwithstanding his total, blind eagerness to collude with Percival Graves to escape it.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:23 pm (UTC)"But was it good? Were you happy?"
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:33 pm (UTC)"You can learn to be. There's worth to your life, Credence."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:40 pm (UTC)"People have said that," he says softly.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 09:56 pm (UTC)"I'll try."
Even though it's never been enough, before.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 10:02 pm (UTC)"That's all anyone can ask of you."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 10:21 pm (UTC)"...Thank you for showing me you. Your ship."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 10:46 pm (UTC)There is a very small, but measurable, possibility that he will take her up on this someday.
"You're - welcome to visit my room, if you ever want to."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 11:15 pm (UTC)But nobody has ever told him that they wanted to be his friend, and now he freezes up, because for all the new things he's encountered on the Barge this is easily the most disorienting.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 11:19 pm (UTC)"The first time someone said that to me I did the same thing."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 11:26 pm (UTC)"....I....I would like to be your friend as well. I'd like to try to be."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-07 12:01 am (UTC)And then she smiles again, unable to quite help it.
"And it was food, I'll be your friend in no time if you give me food."
That's only true of people she actually trusts and likes, of course, of people she doesn't automatically distrust, but Credence? No, she can easily trust him not to poison her.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-07 10:50 am (UTC)He nods, and then murmurs:
"Elizabeth said she would ask about finding work in the kitchens for me. I - I know how to cook."
Well. He knows how to make limited ingredients stretch as far as they possibly can and still be edible, but the underlying mechanics are all the same.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-07 06:15 pm (UTC)But then again, Elizabeth is a woman Rey has a lot of respect for. She'll be able to keep an eye on Credence even if she doesn't have the same sort of presence Alfie does.
Did.
"If that doesn't work I teach you how the things in this kitchen operate, if you ever wanted to make something here."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-07 08:57 pm (UTC)"I wouldn't want to take food meant for someone else," is his predictable response, but he adds very cautiously: "but if I was. Making something for someone else. That would be - very helpful. Thank you."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-08 08:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-08 08:23 pm (UTC)"Oh - oh, yes. I could. That's a very good idea, miss, thank you."