"Mm." It does look good, and it's better to eat before everything gets cold. She's happy to dig in, too. Shiro's never been shy about enjoying food, especially new things, and she's eaten enough of Credence's cooking to know that it's all good.
The quiet isn't a bad thing, comfortable, even, but she is wondering something. "I'm--kind of surprised no one else has come in here," she says after a few moments. "It's a new kind of place." And usually that means exploring. Unless everyone has already come and gone in the last week or so they've been here.
Shiro looks up at that, surprised. "You--" It's obviously not true, but just as obvious that he did it so they wouldn't be interrupted. A slow smile spreads across her face again.
"...It was a good idea." And also: "I'm--glad, it's just us. And nobody else will come in."
Every single one of those smiles is something to appreciate, and so she
does, not looking away.
"If they do, we'll just tell them to go away." It's almost something to
feel guilty about saying, considering where they are, what they're doing,
but--well. She wants to be selfish, just this once. To have something to
share with him. This meal, this night. This date. Looking back down at her
plate, Shiro goes back to the meal.
It's not bad for a first attempt, he thinks. The vegetables are a minute
or so overcooked, and he probably could have been more liberal with the soy
sauce - but when it's a new recipe, he's always overgenerous with cooking
time and undergenerous with seasoning. Even after so long, there's a part
of him which thinks he'll have his mother to answer to if he wastes salt or
sauces, that the food is probably on the turn and needs to be cooked until
it won't make anyone sick.
It isn't bad. It's loads better than a lot of things she's eaten, and also he's the one who made it. For a moment, just a moment, she thinks about Ganta, and that first meal she'd ever cooked--how it had taken her all night, and how much she'd messed up, all the burns, and how terrible the food really was--but also how Ganta had eaten it anyway and smiled. It's--not a terrible memory. Doesn't hurt like she'd expected. And so when she answers, it's almost an echo.
"It's really good. Especially since this was your first time," she tells him, and means it, overcooked vegetables or no. "You could try it for dinner for everyone, I think."
"Oh - do you think so? I think I could cook it in batches, that would be
okay," he says, mind already drifting towards the new kitchen layout -
before he realises he's being rude, and drags himself back into the
moment. "I know I cooked the vegetables for too long, um - I'm sorry."
She might not be very good at always reading other people, but Credence isn't always other people. Sometimes he is, but when he trails off at the end of the sentence, she can tell he's thinking about the new kitchen. She does the same thing, sometimes. It's kind of funny, seeing it from outside.
"A little, maybe, but it's okay. They're still good. The new ovens--and the grill--I almost burned the pancakes this morning. It's all new stuff, you know? And there's all these new things on the counters. I don't know what most of them do," she confides, leaning forward and folding her arms on the table. "But I kinda want to find out, you know?"
"Mm." She nods, and this time it's her face that goes a little far away and
thoughtful. "I haven't really been in there, except to look one or two
times, make sure it's clean. Like the other little kitchen." Cocking her
head, she looks at him. "What about it?"
"There's a lot of stuff on this barge that's different. Maybe the people
who were here before--maybe some of them were from different times and
places, when kitchens looked more like that," she offers thoughtfully. "I
guess--that's one of the things I've been thinking about. Who this barge
belonged to. The kind of people who were here before. If they miss it like
I miss parts of ours, like the library, and my room being next to the art
room. Is that weird?" It might be.
"It is." She nods, some short strands of hair falling forward over
her cheekbones. "I mean--it's not all bad. I like the garden and the way
the art room is now. I like the kitchen and how big it is. And the new
rooms--I know you were working hard on yours, and I feel bad it got taken,
but--I kind of like that everyone is the same. Wardens and inmates. Nobody
gets anything special just for being one or the other. You know?" That's
something that feels surprisingly important to her.
Shiro nods, seemingly not noticing the flush on his face. A body has always
been just--a body, to her, but-- "I understand. I--when I was an inmate, I
always went when nobody else was in the shower. I--used to really...I
didn't like people staring. At my scars, I mean. I have--a lot. And the
ones on my body aren't as--clean, I guess. Like the ones on my arms." She
lowers her hands palm-up on the edges of the table between them. The
sleeves of her dress are short, showing all those ragged, faintly pink
lines intersecting as they climb her arms, finally disappearing beneath
fabric. More are visible at the scoop neck of her dress, implying those
hidden below.
"I'm glad they don't make everyone shower together anymore. It was really
dumb--getting a bathroom shouldn't be something you only get when you
graduate. Like a prize."
She worries a little less about what people think when they see her these
days, but it's been a very gradual process. There are still habits that are
hard to break, tendencies towards long sleeves and things that cover her
shape. It's only recently that she's been breaking out of those habits,
partially because a large chunk of her wardrobe was left behind on the old
barge. They left a lot behind on the old barge. Sometimes she thinks maybe
that's for the best.
"So now everyone has their own shower. And there's laundry in the rooms,
and a little kitchen. I--kind of like that, too. Means people don't have to
leave their rooms if they don't want to sometimes. It's--more fair, I
think. At least a little." Not everything about the barge is fair. There's
a lot that isn't. But she thinks maybe that makes the little things more
important.
"That would be really nice." Maybe it's something to think about, for
everyone. Maybe it would be a good place to start feeling less trapped and
angry and take back some sense of control.
"If maintenance has paint and stuff--and if there's fabric we can get,
too--maybe that's...something to do for the whole barge. Like, tell
everyone there's stuff they can do. Help paint rooms, or sew new curtains
or sheets. Put up art, in the halls and in the common rooms and stuff. Make
this barge--ours. You know?"
"I hate that." Her voice is quiet, subdued, but no less passionate for
that. "I hate how people talk like this place used to be better, how it's
supposed to be better. Like every other universe out there isn't unfair,
like any of us would be here if there was any place that was fair
and nice and kind and perfect like they think this place is supposed to be.
It's not perfect. The Admiral lies, or he doesn't tell us the whole truth,
or he gives us an answer that's not really an answer, but that's just
everybody, and I hate people who wanna try and blame everything on the
Admiral, like if he's gone then there won't be any more problems. Because
there's always gonna be problems and always gonna be people who think they
know how to fix everything. Everything hasn't gone wrong, because
we're still here, and we're still going, and people are still
graduating, and no one's staying dead if they don't want to, and I'm
just--" her speech has been a little rapid, maybe, and here she pauses for
breath, folding her arms back in and curling over just a little, taking a
moment. She'd like a hug, she thinks; something solid and warm that makes
her feel a little less like everything is spinning out of control, but she
doesn't know how to ask for that. Instead, she takes a breath, and tries
again.
"If they aren't doing something besides yelling at the Admiral and trying
to break the barge to get to him, then they aren't anything but--but kids
who are mad they aren't in charge. Things suck sometimes. We have to try
and make it better how we can, without getting everyone hurt. We have
to--to help each other, instead of just ourselves. Because if we don't do
that, then we're just as bad as him."
It isn't often that Shiro has that many words to give. She still doesn't
have the vocabulary to frame everything she thinks or feels, still doesn't
have the context for everything she thinks, but every now and then the
thoughts form and there's the right words, or close enough, and things
just...come out. She's been here three years, almost. It's not as long as
some people but it's long enough to know.
Credence doesn't say anything, but that's okay; she'll take the hand folded
over hers instead, and after a moment flips her hand, holding his back. Her
grip is maybe a touch uncomfortably tight at first, but after a deep, shaky
breath, she looks up, offering Credence a small, equally shaky smile.
"Sorry. Sorry, I just--I guess you probably shouldn't talk about stuff like
that on a date, I just...every time I see someone like that on the network,
it's just--really frustrating. Nobody has good answers, just, let's yell at
the Admiral, it wouldn't be terrible if it weren't for the Admiral,
everything sucks all the time, and I think that's just--wrong. But--I still
shouldn't have said it all like that, I guess."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-05-28 07:36 pm (UTC)The quiet isn't a bad thing, comfortable, even, but she is wondering something. "I'm--kind of surprised no one else has come in here," she says after a few moments. "It's a new kind of place." And usually that means exploring. Unless everyone has already come and gone in the last week or so they've been here.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-28 08:14 pm (UTC)Credence swallows his first mouthful and clears his throat quietly.
"I put a 'Closed for Maintenance' sign on the door," he admits. "It was Quentin's idea."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-28 08:30 pm (UTC)"...It was a good idea." And also: "I'm--glad, it's just us. And nobody else will come in."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-28 08:40 pm (UTC)Credence offers up one of those tiny, private smiles.
"I hope they don't." Because he knows a sign won't deter a lot of people.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-29 03:50 am (UTC)Every single one of those smiles is something to appreciate, and so she does, not looking away.
"If they do, we'll just tell them to go away." It's almost something to feel guilty about saying, considering where they are, what they're doing, but--well. She wants to be selfish, just this once. To have something to share with him. This meal, this night. This date. Looking back down at her plate, Shiro goes back to the meal.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-29 01:21 pm (UTC)It's not bad for a first attempt, he thinks. The vegetables are a minute or so overcooked, and he probably could have been more liberal with the soy sauce - but when it's a new recipe, he's always overgenerous with cooking time and undergenerous with seasoning. Even after so long, there's a part of him which thinks he'll have his mother to answer to if he wastes salt or sauces, that the food is probably on the turn and needs to be cooked until it won't make anyone sick.
"Do you - like it?"
no subject
Date: 2018-05-30 02:40 am (UTC)"It's really good. Especially since this was your first time," she tells him, and means it, overcooked vegetables or no. "You could try it for dinner for everyone, I think."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-30 08:26 am (UTC)"Oh - do you think so? I think I could cook it in batches, that would be okay," he says, mind already drifting towards the new kitchen layout - before he realises he's being rude, and drags himself back into the moment. "I know I cooked the vegetables for too long, um - I'm sorry."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 12:07 am (UTC)"A little, maybe, but it's okay. They're still good. The new ovens--and the grill--I almost burned the pancakes this morning. It's all new stuff, you know? And there's all these new things on the counters. I don't know what most of them do," she confides, leaning forward and folding her arms on the table. "But I kinda want to find out, you know?"
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 08:31 am (UTC)"Yes," he says, nodding. "And - have you seen that really old kitchen that's attached? With, um, the cauldron."
He's vaguely thinking about potions.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 12:03 pm (UTC)"Mm." She nods, and this time it's her face that goes a little far away and thoughtful. "I haven't really been in there, except to look one or two times, make sure it's clean. Like the other little kitchen." Cocking her head, she looks at him. "What about it?"
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 02:23 pm (UTC)"I don't know, it's just - strange that it's there, I guess. I don't know why it would be? Maybe someone asked for it."
But they haven't been using it, so it seems unlikely.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 04:14 pm (UTC)"There's a lot of stuff on this barge that's different. Maybe the people who were here before--maybe some of them were from different times and places, when kitchens looked more like that," she offers thoughtfully. "I guess--that's one of the things I've been thinking about. Who this barge belonged to. The kind of people who were here before. If they miss it like I miss parts of ours, like the library, and my room being next to the art room. Is that weird?" It might be.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 04:43 pm (UTC)“No,” he says, immediately. “That’s not weird. I miss the library too. It’s all so different.”
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 04:50 pm (UTC)"It is." She nods, some short strands of hair falling forward over her cheekbones. "I mean--it's not all bad. I like the garden and the way the art room is now. I like the kitchen and how big it is. And the new rooms--I know you were working hard on yours, and I feel bad it got taken, but--I kind of like that everyone is the same. Wardens and inmates. Nobody gets anything special just for being one or the other. You know?" That's something that feels surprisingly important to her.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 06:20 pm (UTC)"Y-yes. I like that I can just wash up by myself now."
He's a little flushed as he says it. It's a novelty not just to his life on the Barge, but....his life. In general.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-31 07:36 pm (UTC)Shiro nods, seemingly not noticing the flush on his face. A body has always been just--a body, to her, but-- "I understand. I--when I was an inmate, I always went when nobody else was in the shower. I--used to really...I didn't like people staring. At my scars, I mean. I have--a lot. And the ones on my body aren't as--clean, I guess. Like the ones on my arms." She lowers her hands palm-up on the edges of the table between them. The sleeves of her dress are short, showing all those ragged, faintly pink lines intersecting as they climb her arms, finally disappearing beneath fabric. More are visible at the scoop neck of her dress, implying those hidden below.
"I'm glad they don't make everyone shower together anymore. It was really dumb--getting a bathroom shouldn't be something you only get when you graduate. Like a prize."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 09:01 am (UTC)"Yes. It was." Dumb. Very dumb. "I didn't like people seeing either."
His own scars aren't nearly as bad as hers, restricted to his back and palms, but they still make him feel vulnerable and selfconscious.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 12:19 pm (UTC)She worries a little less about what people think when they see her these days, but it's been a very gradual process. There are still habits that are hard to break, tendencies towards long sleeves and things that cover her shape. It's only recently that she's been breaking out of those habits, partially because a large chunk of her wardrobe was left behind on the old barge. They left a lot behind on the old barge. Sometimes she thinks maybe that's for the best.
"So now everyone has their own shower. And there's laundry in the rooms, and a little kitchen. I--kind of like that, too. Means people don't have to leave their rooms if they don't want to sometimes. It's--more fair, I think. At least a little." Not everything about the barge is fair. There's a lot that isn't. But she thinks maybe that makes the little things more important.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 12:34 pm (UTC)Credence nods.
“I was thinking about things I might do to mine. Maybe paint the walls, or something. So it’s more...I don’t know. So it feels more like it’s mine?”
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 04:22 pm (UTC)"That would be really nice." Maybe it's something to think about, for everyone. Maybe it would be a good place to start feeling less trapped and angry and take back some sense of control.
"If maintenance has paint and stuff--and if there's fabric we can get, too--maybe that's...something to do for the whole barge. Like, tell everyone there's stuff they can do. Help paint rooms, or sew new curtains or sheets. Put up art, in the halls and in the common rooms and stuff. Make this barge--ours. You know?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 04:26 pm (UTC)Credence nods.
"You know what people will say," he murmurs. "Things like - the Admiral's a fugitive, everything's gone wrong, and you're talking about painting."
He's been here long enough to know how it goes.
"But we should do it anyway."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 04:50 pm (UTC)"I hate that." Her voice is quiet, subdued, but no less passionate for that. "I hate how people talk like this place used to be better, how it's supposed to be better. Like every other universe out there isn't unfair, like any of us would be here if there was any place that was fair and nice and kind and perfect like they think this place is supposed to be. It's not perfect. The Admiral lies, or he doesn't tell us the whole truth, or he gives us an answer that's not really an answer, but that's just everybody, and I hate people who wanna try and blame everything on the Admiral, like if he's gone then there won't be any more problems. Because there's always gonna be problems and always gonna be people who think they know how to fix everything. Everything hasn't gone wrong, because we're still here, and we're still going, and people are still graduating, and no one's staying dead if they don't want to, and I'm just--" her speech has been a little rapid, maybe, and here she pauses for breath, folding her arms back in and curling over just a little, taking a moment. She'd like a hug, she thinks; something solid and warm that makes her feel a little less like everything is spinning out of control, but she doesn't know how to ask for that. Instead, she takes a breath, and tries again.
"If they aren't doing something besides yelling at the Admiral and trying to break the barge to get to him, then they aren't anything but--but kids who are mad they aren't in charge. Things suck sometimes. We have to try and make it better how we can, without getting everyone hurt. We have to--to help each other, instead of just ourselves. Because if we don't do that, then we're just as bad as him."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 04:52 pm (UTC)Instead, he just reaches across the table and carefully folds one hand around hers.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 05:47 pm (UTC)It isn't often that Shiro has that many words to give. She still doesn't have the vocabulary to frame everything she thinks or feels, still doesn't have the context for everything she thinks, but every now and then the thoughts form and there's the right words, or close enough, and things just...come out. She's been here three years, almost. It's not as long as some people but it's long enough to know.
Credence doesn't say anything, but that's okay; she'll take the hand folded over hers instead, and after a moment flips her hand, holding his back. Her grip is maybe a touch uncomfortably tight at first, but after a deep, shaky breath, she looks up, offering Credence a small, equally shaky smile. "Sorry. Sorry, I just--I guess you probably shouldn't talk about stuff like that on a date, I just...every time I see someone like that on the network, it's just--really frustrating. Nobody has good answers, just, let's yell at the Admiral, it wouldn't be terrible if it weren't for the Admiral, everything sucks all the time, and I think that's just--wrong. But--I still shouldn't have said it all like that, I guess."
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