"No, I mean--I still care about what the Admiral does," she says slowly,
not contradicting him, exactly, just kind of working things out. Her other
hand folds over the top of his, subconsciously holding on, looking for
something. Reassurance, maybe. "I think--it's not a bad thing to--to expect
him to be kind of like an example. A good one. I think he matters, and he
can get better at this, too, just like any of us can. I just think it's
stupid to expect him to be perfect and to fix everything, like it's
magically just all gonna be better without us working on making it better,
together."
Her fingers move over the back of his hand, tracing the lines of his
fingers. "This place is better than where I came from, too. A lot better.
And I think we can keep making it better. That's a big part of why I
stayed, you know? Home wasn't going to be better. Home, I would've been the
same person I was. I like it here, and I like who I am, here. And just like
I keep working on being a better Shiro, I think we have to work to make the
barge a better barge."
It takes her a moment to process his words, to understand meaning, and she
looks up just in time to see the edges of that half-hearted smile
vanishing. "You aren't bad," she tells him, voice a little more hesitant
again. "And it's not wrong to--to take your time figuring things out. I
still think you make the barge better. You can. You don't have to be
graduated or a warden or anything else to want to make the place you live
better. And I think you have a lot of good ideas."
"...Thank you." He clears his throat quietly. "You....you make me want to be better."
There's a small hiccup in that he wants to be better for her, and Quentin, and Annie - the little family he's found for himself here. And nobody else, frankly.
It's not a bad way to start. To be better for someone else. It's a small
start, a good first step, even if it takes a while to make that jump from
being better for someone else to being better just for yourself. "I know
you're trying," she answers, looking down at their hands. "And I know it's
hard. But I'm here to help, too. If I can." It's not just a warden's job.
It's what friends do, and they are that at the very least, whatever else
they are.
"Good." A smile at him, maybe a little closer to how she usually looks, a
little more relieved maybe now that she's gotten those words out. "You
know, you help me, too. There's a lot of things I never did before I came
here. A lot of things I never wanted to do. You--I want to, because of you.
You help me be better."
Shiro nods, finally letting go of Credence's hand so she can slide out of
her chair, standing. "Mm--I asked Pietro how you play, and he said it was
pretty easy. You just--roll the ball and try and knock down those things at
the end. The pins, I mean." It sounds pretty easy. What could go wrong?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 06:25 pm (UTC)"No, I mean--I still care about what the Admiral does," she says slowly, not contradicting him, exactly, just kind of working things out. Her other hand folds over the top of his, subconsciously holding on, looking for something. Reassurance, maybe. "I think--it's not a bad thing to--to expect him to be kind of like an example. A good one. I think he matters, and he can get better at this, too, just like any of us can. I just think it's stupid to expect him to be perfect and to fix everything, like it's magically just all gonna be better without us working on making it better, together."
Her fingers move over the back of his hand, tracing the lines of his fingers. "This place is better than where I came from, too. A lot better. And I think we can keep making it better. That's a big part of why I stayed, you know? Home wasn't going to be better. Home, I would've been the same person I was. I like it here, and I like who I am, here. And just like I keep working on being a better Shiro, I think we have to work to make the barge a better barge."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 06:28 pm (UTC)Credence manages a tiny, flinching smile.
"I....I'm still working on making myself better, I guess. But I want the Barge to be better, too. If I can help with that, I will."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-01 06:59 pm (UTC)It takes her a moment to process his words, to understand meaning, and she looks up just in time to see the edges of that half-hearted smile vanishing. "You aren't bad," she tells him, voice a little more hesitant again. "And it's not wrong to--to take your time figuring things out. I still think you make the barge better. You can. You don't have to be graduated or a warden or anything else to want to make the place you live better. And I think you have a lot of good ideas."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-02 10:50 am (UTC)There's a small hiccup in that he wants to be better for her, and Quentin, and Annie - the little family he's found for himself here. And nobody else, frankly.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-04 11:53 am (UTC)It's not a bad way to start. To be better for someone else. It's a small start, a good first step, even if it takes a while to make that jump from being better for someone else to being better just for yourself. "I know you're trying," she answers, looking down at their hands. "And I know it's hard. But I'm here to help, too. If I can." It's not just a warden's job. It's what friends do, and they are that at the very least, whatever else they are.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-04 02:22 pm (UTC)"You can," he says quickly. "You do. All the time."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-04 02:37 pm (UTC)"Good." A smile at him, maybe a little closer to how she usually looks, a little more relieved maybe now that she's gotten those words out. "You know, you help me, too. There's a lot of things I never did before I came here. A lot of things I never wanted to do. You--I want to, because of you. You help me be better."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-04 02:43 pm (UTC)He smiles again, and it lingers a little longer.
"...do you want to see if we can work out the bowling, maybe?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-04 03:05 pm (UTC)Shiro nods, finally letting go of Credence's hand so she can slide out of her chair, standing. "Mm--I asked Pietro how you play, and he said it was pretty easy. You just--roll the ball and try and knock down those things at the end. The pins, I mean." It sounds pretty easy. What could go wrong?
no subject
Date: 2018-06-04 03:33 pm (UTC)[Hey psst this feels like a good place to fade out?]