"Klaus," Credence says quietly. "I'm not saying you should have done
anything differently then. That's pointless. I'm asking you what you're
doing now."
"I know-- I know you're not, but-- look, I know it's different here, obviously it's different, but--" He gestures with his coffee cup, "I got away from dear old dad when I was still a kid. I went to rehab, I went to 'Naam--"
He pauses, flashes Credence a lazy smile.
"I don't know what else to want. Even here-- I know people would help me, but I don't know what I need help with."
"Well..." Klaus begins like maybe he's going to deny it, then hesitates, laughs, and shrugs a big lazy shrug, "I mean, I guess I can't argue with that. But I can't just make myself care about things, can I?"
"Sounds like a good recipe for making yourself miserable." Klaus observes, airily, "Teaching yourself to care more about a bunch of things that are definitely going to go wrong."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-08-22 03:13 pm (UTC)"Klaus," Credence says quietly. "I'm not saying you should have done anything differently then. That's pointless. I'm asking you what you're doing now."
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Date: 2019-08-22 03:40 pm (UTC)He pauses, flashes Credence a lazy smile.
"I don't know what else to want. Even here-- I know people would help me, but I don't know what I need help with."
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Date: 2019-08-22 03:44 pm (UTC)"You take a lot of drugs so that you can't see ghosts," Credence suggests, as a starting point.
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Date: 2019-08-22 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-22 03:53 pm (UTC)Credence shakes his head.
"It's only win-win because you don't care about anything except feeling good and not seeing ghosts."
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Date: 2019-08-24 01:40 pm (UTC)But I can't just make myself care about things, can I?"
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Date: 2019-08-24 01:45 pm (UTC)"I don't know," he says. "I think you can...I think you can learn. I didn't really care about living for a while."
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Date: 2019-08-24 02:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-24 02:43 pm (UTC)"No," Credence says thoughtfully. "I've cared about things and seen them go wrong. I'm still happier now."
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Date: 2019-08-26 12:09 am (UTC)But it's not an experience that he can say he shares.
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Date: 2019-08-26 08:53 am (UTC)Credence takes a sip of his own coffee and is quiet for a while.
"Do you have a truth, Klaus?"
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Date: 2019-08-27 09:22 am (UTC)"I don't think so.
Pretty sure I left it behind in Vietnam."
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Date: 2019-08-27 09:44 am (UTC)Credence doesn't know what to say to that, so for a little while he just sits with it.
"So what are you living now?"
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Date: 2019-08-27 09:54 am (UTC)And if it's a lie, it's a comfortable lie. He'll take it
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Date: 2019-08-27 09:56 am (UTC)He frowns at the plants for a few moments.
"I think you need a new truth."