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credere

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From:

granularity

[ That brings him up a little short.]

...because you're still a person?

[ He thinks back on what he'd said, wondering if perhaps they'd gotten their wires crossed. So, trying not to be intrusive- ]

I said I couldn't care about you as an individual because I don't know you as an individual. You're not my best friend, we don't have ties yet... but you're still a person. Still someone else on the boat with me. Someone worthy of respect and care and politeness.

If I saw you in trouble, I'd try and help you. If you asked me for something, I'd see if I could get it. If you needed protecting, I'd protect you.

That's just... standard.

From:

credere

...No. It isn't.

From:

granularity

It is for me.

[ Which isn't meant to be some sort of smarmy correction. On the contrary, he adds a moment later. ]

Sorry. One of those things. Like I said, I'm not used to people who don't already know me. I should have been clearer.

From:

credere

It doesn't matter, anyway. I don't need protecting.

From:

granularity

It sounds like you do, if you think you aren't going to get common decency. And you think people don't care enough about you to do any of the stuff you said.

Protecting isn't just about physical protection. Sometimes, it's about making sure people don't get beat up metaphorically too. Sometimes, it just helps to know someone wants to, even if you don't need it.

Everyone deserves to know someone's looking out for them, I think.

From:

credere

No.

Not everyone.

From:

granularity

[ He very clearly considers that, because there are people he knows who'd say the same. But he shakes his head.]

In my experience, those people are like that because they've never had someone really looking out for them.

[ He does feel the need to be truly honest, though.]

Which doesn't mean I like them or agree with them or excuse them for what they've done. Doesn't even mean I won't punch them out myself.

But I try to keep it in mind.

From:

credere

I have people who'll...look out for me.

If anybody makes me angry I usually just kill them.

From:

granularity

Which is good. I'm glad to hear it.

And I guess that's a thing to do? Kinda limited, though. [ he scratches an ear ] And it seems like it wouldn't really solve much around here.

From:

credere

They stop bothering me. So it's fine.

From:

granularity

So you kill them for... bothering you?

What's 'bothering you' look like, if you don't mind me asking?

From:

credere

I don't know. People - make me angry for different reasons.

From:

granularity

So if someone made you angry... does it matter if they were trying to make you angry or is it just something you'd do at anyone or anything making you angry?

From:

credere

Why do you care?

From:

granularity

Why wouldn't I care?

[ And the question isn't a flippant reversal. He can't understand the idea of not trying to understand.]

From:

credere

Because you don't care. You said.

From:

granularity

[ He blinks at that, then takes a moment and rubs at his temple before trying to address that.]

Credence, when I said I didn't care, what I was addressing was the fact that I don't know you. We don't have any personal significance to each other. We can't, not yet.

[ His hand gestures mildly to Credence. ]

But to me, something like this, something like the things I mentioned earlier... that all falls under how you care about every single person you meet, whether you've built something yet or not.

So I suppose the way you think of things, yes, I do care. But that caring is built on what I believe, not anything particular to you. What I was trying to say was just that I won't pretend that you matter more to me just because you were assigned to me.

But you do matter. I do care.

From:

credere

...This is what I don't want to do any more.

This same conversation. Every month.

From:

granularity

Then why is it that you assume people don't care?

[ He has a few guesses, obviously, but he doesn't want to assume. If there's one thing he knows from practically living in the minds of all manner of awful people, it's that things like this can come from all sorts of places and trying to understand it requires an open mind.]

From:

credere

Because they don't!

[There's a crackling sound, like bad static.]

From:

granularity

[ There's no reaction to the emphasis, or to the crackling. If anything, he sees this as some sort of progress. ]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that I do. I do right now, and I will continue to. Nothing you can do will change that.

So where does that leave us?