[Credence was so driven and confident in it. He had a sense of
purpose. He was accomplishing something important. Tris is familiar with
breaches that hurt more when you lose them than while they're
happening.]
Sometimes it's - hard. Coming out of them. Especially the good ones.
[That is the voice of a man who isn't anywhere in the vicinity of
fine, but Tris knows she can't make someone open up.]
I'll decide if you truly want me to.
If you'd like some time without anyone new underfoot, though, you can take
it, and we'll just hope the Admiral doesn't reclaim the key in the
meanwhile.
I'm going to ask, then. If we get any volunteers, I'll make certain it's
someone who won't try to order you and Teddy about. You're fully capable
of running that kitchen, and you shouldn't have to defer to anyone in it.
Though I can't promise when Teddy will come back to work, either. He's the
one who killed me. I'm not sure what happened to him, but something's
wrong.
But considering I've lost control and hurt someone I didn't want to in the
past, I think I owe him the benefit of the doubt until I know why he did it.
Yes, though my teacher didn't find me until after my family disowned me
because they were afraid of me. I'm still more grateful for it than I can
say. Not everyone is so fortunate.
If Erskine ever graduates, my deal has to do with people who fall through
the cracks. Who don't get the training they need to learn control and hold
themselves together.
So you got a glimpse of what you should have had. There's no changing the
past without changing who you are, but it's hard having your face
shoved into the possibilities of how things could have turned out
differently. I'm sorry, Credence.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
voice throughout
Date: 2018-07-27 06:33 am (UTC)... I can manage the kitchen for a few days. But I don't want to pick a new warden. You can do it.
Re: voice throughout
Date: 2018-07-27 10:26 am (UTC)Are you sure, Credence?
I know you didn't appreciate decisions that affect you being made without your input previously, and I don't want to do that to you.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 10:31 am (UTC)I don't care any more. Do whatever you want.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 10:39 am (UTC)...The breach was rough on you, wasn't it?
[Credence was so driven and confident in it. He had a sense of purpose. He was accomplishing something important. Tris is familiar with breaches that hurt more when you lose them than while they're happening.]
Sometimes it's - hard. Coming out of them. Especially the good ones.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 10:41 am (UTC)[His voice is tight:] The breach was fine. I'm fine. I just don't care about the kitchen. It doesn't matter.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 10:50 am (UTC)[That is the voice of a man who isn't anywhere in the vicinity of fine, but Tris knows she can't make someone open up.]
I'll decide if you truly want me to.
If you'd like some time without anyone new underfoot, though, you can take it, and we'll just hope the Admiral doesn't reclaim the key in the meanwhile.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 10:53 am (UTC)I don't mind either way. If you find someone else to take the job today, or - it's fine.
It's fine.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 11:13 am (UTC)I'm going to ask, then. If we get any volunteers, I'll make certain it's someone who won't try to order you and Teddy about. You're fully capable of running that kitchen, and you shouldn't have to defer to anyone in it.
Though I can't promise when Teddy will come back to work, either. He's the one who killed me. I'm not sure what happened to him, but something's wrong.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 11:17 am (UTC)Why did he kill you?
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 11:22 am (UTC)He was impersonating someone else, and I got suspicious. He shot me when I asked too many questions. I don't even know if he recognized me.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 11:30 am (UTC)[A pause, then:]
I'm sorry that happened to you.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 11:33 am (UTC)Thank you, Credence.
The death toll only lasts a week. I'll be alright. I'm more concerned about Teddy; the man I know wouldn't have harmed me.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 11:55 am (UTC)Maybe he isn't really who you thought he was.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 12:06 pm (UTC)Maybe. I've been wrong before.
But considering I've lost control and hurt someone I didn't want to in the past, I think I owe him the benefit of the doubt until I know why he did it.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 12:12 pm (UTC)...Yes. I've done that too.
[Not as often or even as unintentionally as some people seem to think, but he has.]
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 01:57 pm (UTC)Carrying around a large amount of power always makes it easier to do. [Which doesn't apply to Teddy, but definitely does to her and to Credence.]
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 02:29 pm (UTC)Yes.
Were you - born, with power?
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 02:30 pm (UTC)I was. I had no control of it when I was young.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 02:33 pm (UTC)But someone taught you?
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 02:41 pm (UTC)Yes, though my teacher didn't find me until after my family disowned me because they were afraid of me. I'm still more grateful for it than I can say. Not everyone is so fortunate.
If Erskine ever graduates, my deal has to do with people who fall through the cracks. Who don't get the training they need to learn control and hold themselves together.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 02:44 pm (UTC)People like me, I guess. I never went to school.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 02:54 pm (UTC)Was the world we were in during the breach yours?
no subject
Date: 2018-07-27 02:56 pm (UTC)[A long pause.]
...Yes.
About - ninety years in my future. I was never meant to go to Hogwarts, but there's another school in America.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-02 04:53 pm (UTC)Ah.
So you got a glimpse of what you should have had. There's no changing the past without changing who you are, but it's hard having your face shoved into the possibilities of how things could have turned out differently. I'm sorry, Credence.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-02 04:57 pm (UTC)