"I mean, until it doesn't- like when I lose it over the network. But whenever that happens I always end up thinking later, 'oh, I guess I was actually stressed about this other thing that hadn't occurred to me."
He only has two modes that he recognises at their extremes: misery and
anger. A vague sort of contentment is still making itself known, sometimes,
but he can barely identify it.
"Hm. Mindfulness is supposed to be good? The quest wasn't all of it, I immediately had a second nervous breakdown and started drinking heavily, so maybe it was more to do with- I moved in with some friends for a few years."
As kings and queens, but it was a very soft landing otherwise.
"I have friends here," he says. After so long, it's still an idea that
still seems fake somehow, like a rug under his feet to be pulled away at
any second.
"Hurts breaking, hurts being put back into place, and then hurts long and slow for a long time after. Then periodically in a thunderstorm twenty years later when you least expect it."
"Oh," Credence says. "I don't think I remember the first part."
The breaking. He was probably too young. He just knows the pain, the same
pain he lives now, and he doesn't even know if the bone has been set.
Metaphorically speaking.
Which is when Goldstein - not a nervous cat, just aloof, and selective about his affections - pads across the bed and jumps down, pushing his head under Quentin’s hand in an obvious demand.
"Sorry," Credence says on his behalf. He’s a little awed by his cat, doesn’t know how any creature can so easily demand physical contact from others.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2018-02-02 12:40 pm (UTC)He says, closing his eyes.
"That's one thing I'm better at."
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Date: 2018-02-02 01:14 pm (UTC)"Does that make it easier to not yell at people?"
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Date: 2018-02-02 01:18 pm (UTC)Says Quentin, with an actual laugh.
"I mean, until it doesn't- like when I lose it over the network. But whenever that happens I always end up thinking later, 'oh, I guess I was actually stressed about this other thing that hadn't occurred to me."
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Date: 2018-02-02 01:36 pm (UTC)Credence looks a little bewildered.
"I...how do you work that out? How you...feel?"
He only has two modes that he recognises at their extremes: misery and anger. A vague sort of contentment is still making itself known, sometimes, but he can barely identify it.
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Date: 2018-02-02 01:37 pm (UTC)He says, trying to think back, how he got in touch with himself.
"And a quest. That helped. I spent a year hunting a white stag."
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Date: 2018-02-02 01:42 pm (UTC)Well. What do you say to that?
"I - don't think I can do a quest here."
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Date: 2018-02-02 01:44 pm (UTC)As kings and queens, but it was a very soft landing otherwise.
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Date: 2018-02-02 01:52 pm (UTC)Credence makes a quiet, thoughtful sound.
"I have friends here," he says. After so long, it's still an idea that still seems fake somehow, like a rug under his feet to be pulled away at any second.
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Date: 2018-02-02 01:55 pm (UTC)He wonders, curiously.
"Or- however long."
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Date: 2018-02-02 02:03 pm (UTC)"....no. I just...don't know if how I feel is...good different or bad different."
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Date: 2018-02-02 02:28 pm (UTC)Proposes Quentin, with a thin smile.
"Baddish- but good in the long run."
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Date: 2018-02-02 02:34 pm (UTC)"I broke a bone once," Credence says, without a solid foundation in metaphors. "It was still pretty bad for a long time afterward."
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Date: 2018-02-02 02:37 pm (UTC)Says Quentin, who thinks it holds up.
"Hurts breaking, hurts being put back into place, and then hurts long and slow for a long time after. Then periodically in a thunderstorm twenty years later when you least expect it."
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Date: 2018-02-02 02:46 pm (UTC)"Oh," Credence says. "I don't think I remember the first part."
The breaking. He was probably too young. He just knows the pain, the same pain he lives now, and he doesn't even know if the bone has been set. Metaphorically speaking.
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Date: 2018-02-02 04:02 pm (UTC)Agrees Quentin, with a soft sigh. Oh well.
"Think you could eat a bit more bread?"
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Date: 2018-02-02 04:07 pm (UTC)"Okay."
He picks at it carefully, looking at the room around them.
"....your drawing came out looking good," he ventures, quietly. "In real life."
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Date: 2018-02-03 02:04 am (UTC)He says, and looks around them.
"Do you like it? Is it comfy?"
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Date: 2018-02-03 10:22 am (UTC)"The bed is nice," he says. "And - I like the windows. The rest will be good, when...it's done."
But the idea of actually starting work on it, energizing before the flood, feels absolutely insurmountable now.
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Date: 2018-02-04 01:56 am (UTC)He agrees, with a muffled yawn.
"We'll get to it."
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Date: 2018-02-04 12:36 pm (UTC)Which is when Goldstein - not a nervous cat, just aloof, and selective about his affections - pads across the bed and jumps down, pushing his head under Quentin’s hand in an obvious demand.
"Sorry," Credence says on his behalf. He’s a little awed by his cat, doesn’t know how any creature can so easily demand physical contact from others.
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Date: 2018-02-04 03:14 pm (UTC)He says, obligingly attentive, turning to look at her and making a sharp sound when she turns into his fingers, starts purring loudly.
"God." Animals are so... unconditional when they like you. It almost hurts.
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Date: 2018-02-04 03:20 pm (UTC)"I think he's a he," Credence says. "He doesn't like many people."
It makes him feel like a good cat-parent, that he likes Quentin.
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Date: 2018-02-05 04:56 am (UTC)He checks, glancing over at him.
"Newt or Alec could."
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Date: 2018-02-05 07:59 am (UTC)"Oh. Um - no, I haven't. He never leaves my room, do you think he needs...?"
Because while he'd feel terrible about filling the ship with unwanted kittens, he doesn't want to subject Goldstein to a procedure he doesn't need.
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Date: 2018-02-05 08:28 am (UTC)He says, musing, but;
"One day you will leave here. You may not be able to get so safe a surgery where you end up."
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