"Of course," Annie says, stunned. "Of course, yes. But there's some stuff you need to know first, okay? Just so you know that this is the animal you want to be."
How to even begin, though? She's never really explained the fine details to anyone before.
"You'll still have to learn to control yourself. That's gonna be true no matter what you do. It's true for all of us. But I can help make it easier for you. Being a wolf...it's not like being just an animal. You're still you. But everything is so much clearer. You can see the things you were afraid of as a person, and they don't scare you like they used to. You see the world and it's so much...richer. You'll love deeper than you ever have. Your emotions will be so much purer. And if you have a good pack, those emotions skew toward the good. You'll feel safer around pack than you..."
Than you ever have. And it's not like Annie felt safe as a human girl. It's not like most wolves do; they all come from trauma and abuse. You cannot survive the change otherwise. But Annie had friends, boyfriends, surfing. Credence had his mother.
"It's a simpler life. It's a richer, deeper life that humans can't picture. You can hide in your fur for a while if you have to. God knows I have. But there's no quick fix to anything. You'll still be Credence--does that make sense?"
"Okay," Annie nods, this part of the matter settled. She will change him. "But I need to get some stuff together so we can do it. And...I need you to do something for me first, too."
"I wouldn't normally ask this. But the Barge is...this crazy melting pot."
She looks at him levelly. "I need you to talk to Alec. He really is trying to help. And he probably won't be okay with what we're going to do, but I'll talk to him, too. And we'll do it either way as long as it's what you want, 'cause this is your choice. I think he's got a weird view of what wolves are like, but he's a good person to have in your corner, especially since he's gonna be with you a long time."
"Mine won't." She can't know that for sure, but one thing Annie has been doing all her life is doing what she feels is best. "They're here to help us, not to make our choices for us. And if you find out what Alec's scared of, maybe we can find a way to fix that so he won't fight it. But, Credence, if we just do it, and he finds out, he's gonna hate us both. And he might take it away from you. If he knows you'd at least give him a head's up, he'll have less to be mad about."
She gives him an earnest, pleading look. "Alec's a good guy, Credence. I won't turn my back on you if he gets mad, I swear. You're pack. But he does want to do right by you. It's not often you get people like that in your life; don't throw him away unless he really hurts you."
Credence pushes his lips together tightly and looks away. The possibility
of her turning her back on him hadn't even occurred to him; it terrifies
him, now.
Maybe if he went to Quentin, he'd - just for a little while?
But he can't keep going to him, not when he reacted to it like he did,
before.
"He only wants to help me because I'm his inmate," he mumbles.
Annie falls quiet a moment. "I know," she finally says, almost as quiet. "That's why...that's why when he was assigned to you I told him I was going to be there whenever you needed me. 'Cause you deserve people who want to be with you just 'cause they like you."
She rubs the bracelet on her wrist. "I don't know what he thinks or feels. But I know that when I told him that, he was okay with it. Which means that he cares about you having friends; he could do his job without caring about that at all."
"Thank you. And I'm going to do whatever you want. Okay? Hey," quietly urging him to look at her. "This is your choice. It'll be best for us if we're all kind of on the same page, but this is your choice."
She's tried to be rational and even-handed, but she can't help a little grin. "I'm stoked."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 04:54 pm (UTC)How to even begin, though? She's never really explained the fine details to anyone before.
"You'll still have to learn to control yourself. That's gonna be true no matter what you do. It's true for all of us. But I can help make it easier for you. Being a wolf...it's not like being just an animal. You're still you. But everything is so much clearer. You can see the things you were afraid of as a person, and they don't scare you like they used to. You see the world and it's so much...richer. You'll love deeper than you ever have. Your emotions will be so much purer. And if you have a good pack, those emotions skew toward the good. You'll feel safer around pack than you..."
Than you ever have. And it's not like Annie felt safe as a human girl. It's not like most wolves do; they all come from trauma and abuse. You cannot survive the change otherwise. But Annie had friends, boyfriends, surfing. Credence had his mother.
"It's a simpler life. It's a richer, deeper life that humans can't picture. You can hide in your fur for a while if you have to. God knows I have. But there's no quick fix to anything. You'll still be Credence--does that make sense?"
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 07:09 pm (UTC)He's wide-eyed, a little breathless, a little stunned. It sounds like all he's ever wanted - all he's ever needed.
"I can learn control. I can - the Obscurus, I never, not until I - "
Wanted to.
"I wouldn't - you won't regret it."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 07:22 pm (UTC)"Yes?"
Anything.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 07:27 pm (UTC)She looks at him levelly. "I need you to talk to Alec. He really is trying to help. And he probably won't be okay with what we're going to do, but I'll talk to him, too. And we'll do it either way as long as it's what you want, 'cause this is your choice. I think he's got a weird view of what wolves are like, but he's a good person to have in your corner, especially since he's gonna be with you a long time."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 07:33 pm (UTC)Credence looks absolutely stricken.
"What if he says no? W-what if he tells your warden and he says no?"
'We'll do it anyway' seems easier in theory than in practice.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 07:39 pm (UTC)She gives him an earnest, pleading look. "Alec's a good guy, Credence. I won't turn my back on you if he gets mad, I swear. You're pack. But he does want to do right by you. It's not often you get people like that in your life; don't throw him away unless he really hurts you."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 07:49 pm (UTC)Credence pushes his lips together tightly and looks away. The possibility of her turning her back on him hadn't even occurred to him; it terrifies him, now.
Maybe if he went to Quentin, he'd - just for a little while?
But he can't keep going to him, not when he reacted to it like he did, before.
"He only wants to help me because I'm his inmate," he mumbles.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 08:00 pm (UTC)She rubs the bracelet on her wrist. "I don't know what he thinks or feels. But I know that when I told him that, he was okay with it. Which means that he cares about you having friends; he could do his job without caring about that at all."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 08:03 pm (UTC)Credence gives her a quick, startled look, then looks back to the floor.
"...I'll talk to him."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 08:06 pm (UTC)She's tried to be rational and even-handed, but she can't help a little grin. "I'm stoked."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 08:16 pm (UTC)Credence looks at her face, not quite making eye contact, but it's close.
"...Yes. Me too."
He doesn't look stoked, he looks pale and ill, but he trusts Annie will hear him.